Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Turn of the Century

I found something in the car yesterday. It's round, shiny on the bottom, has a hole in the middle. It's this old thing called a compact disc, or CD, for short. I'm not sure if they make them still or not, but I have a lot of them floating around.

I found this particular album and have been listening to it for the first time in years.

It reminds me of when Jon and I were dating 12 years ago now, when we looked like this:

Funny thing is, this album was released in 1994! So I've been listening to an album that is now 20+ years old, thinking of how I listened to it 12 years ago, and feeling like it would still do okay today on the radio. Kudos, Portishead. Way to stand the test of time.

Getting old fucks with your head.

I remember listening to "Sour Times" while hanging out with friends, smoking pot, scalping tickets off people who were surely crack dealers for Cubs' games, going to bars that were open until 4am and eating breakfast at greasy diners at 1pm because that's what all the young kids did at the turn of the century before texting and Twitter and Mark Zuckerberg was all of 17 years old.

Getting old really fucks with your mind.

My friend Sarah and I used to go to this breakfast place where you'd design your own juice and everything was decorated with kitsch and yet minimalist at the same time, then go to the consignment shops and listen to Bjork because you were way too cool for Urban Outfitters.

It was 2002 (or was it 2003?) and that's what you did.

Or Jon and I would go to Frontera grill and drink too much tequila during the two hour wait for a table and then we'd have more margaritas during dinner and by the time we got out of the cab home I'd have to take off my heels so I could walk.

Sometimes we'd go to "work" which consisted of waiting tables at a mafia owned Italian restaurant which was a front for their illegal dealings. Yow knew shit was going down when all the black Cadillacs pulled up into the alley, the owner handed you wad of cash, closed the curtains to their private dining room and said he'd come get you when they were ready to have their plates cleared. The key was to keep the Dewar's flowing so he wouldn't go crazy on you (again).

Ranch Zabaco Zinfandel was $6 a bottle and we drank of a lot of it, usually with friends while we hung out and watched South Park or Airplane! or Simpsons. There were no phones to stare at, unless you wanted to look at your table or wall all night.

Getting older messes with you. It creeps up on you. 12 years isn't that much, it seems like yesterday. Okay, maybe last month. But still not long ago at all. It was the blink of an eye, a drop in the bucket of life. Now we've been married for almost 10 years, have children and cars and jobs and gray hair and belly fat. But if you crank up the Portishead, it'll be summer in Chicago again.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015


We are snowed in for the second full day today. Over 30 inches of snow fell from Monday afternoon through late Tuesday night. You'd think I'd be doing more baking but I held off all day Tuesday for fear we'd lose power right when I had something in the oven. Now the worst has passed us and we have not lost power so I'm hoping against hope that we're in the clear.

On Monday evening I cranked out a batch of this pumpkin bread with a couple of changes:
1. Reduce the sugar. I used 1 cup white sugar and 1 cup brown sugar and believe me, it's plenty sweet even with two cups sugar. You could easily use a scant two cups and still be just fine.
2. I used half whole wheat flour half all purpose flour, but this was mostly out of necessity. I was low on all purpose flour and since I knew I couldn't leave the house for a couple of days I was mostly rationing the all purpose flour.
3. Easy on the nutmeg. The recipe calls for a full teaspoon of nutmeg which I find over-powering and it tends to burn my mouth even, so I do a half teaspoon and find it's plenty for me, but if you don't mind nutmeg go with the full teaspoon.

I still have four heads of cabbage sitting in my fridge from our winter vegetable share that I keep meaning to turn into sauerkraut and haven't. At this rate hopefully I'll have sauerkraut ready to eat by Oktoberfest 2015. I just keep forgetting the cabbage is even in there. My plan is to shred the cabbage, sprinkle with kosher salt and then submerge the cabbage in its own juices (the salt will bring them out) in my large crock pot crock which I never use because it's big enough to cook an entire ham or enough pot roast for about 57 people, and put it in the basement for a few weeks. We'll go from there but first I have to shred the cabbage, find the crock, and most importantly, I've read that everything has to be really clean. So not only do I have to find the thing, I have to wash that behemoth really well. I think it's the washing dishes part that's really holding me back to be totally honest. Anything to get out of washing a dish.....

Friday, January 23, 2015

Musings on the '90s

Time off from work + kids at school + subscription to Netflix = Watching the XFiles.

I'm sure you've all seen or at least heard of the XFiles. 90's show with two FBI agents, Mulder and Scully, out chasing aliens or the smoking man, or any number of weird creatures. I've seen them all before, multiple times of course. But this time I'm skimming through the seasons watching only those that have to do with the over-arching theme of the show, alien abduction and government conspiracies and coverup.

While I haven't noticed much in the way of plot lines and twists I may have missed the first seven or eight times around, what I've noticed most of all this time are the advances in technology that have occurred since the early 1990s. The show debuted in 1993, a (mere) 22 years ago, but some scenes and lines are so dated now the show feels almost campy at times, which is disappointing because it was so cutting edge then.

For example, I just finished watching an episode from season three, which aired in 1995, so exactly 20 years ago now. Wanna know what I just noticed making an appearance? A cell phone. And not a giant brick cell phone either. A slimmer one, still fairly large, with an antenna you had to pull up out of the top when you answered.

This same episode explored an microchip that had been implanted in Scully's neck. It was tiny, and when the FBI scientists took a look at it it totally blew their minds. So tiny! So powerful! And not made in the United States! Holy crap it was Japanese! Can you believe it? It had silicone in it and everything.  When Scully asked the FBI scientist what such a thing could be used for he listed all sorts of "crazy" possibilities, like having them as part of your car or even using them for disabled people to "speak through a computer"(for reference Stephen Hawking got his computer based communication system in 1997, so that technology wasn't all that far off).

Yesterday an episode mentioned the Human Genome Project and how it was purely experimental, very cutting edge, despite it having started in 1990, 4 years before the episode aired.

Scully has a cordless phone in her house, and it's massive. It's the size of two bricks stacked on top of one another with a giant antenna sticking out the top. In the episode in which her sister is killed, Scully tries calling her sister, but gets her answering machine. If only she had a cell phone to contact her while she was in transit, then she never would have walked into that apartment and been shot. See, cell phones can save lives, people! And think of all the documentation Mulder would have to back himself up if he had a phone with a camera. All those aliens he had seen but had no way to photograph for proof.

There are pictures of Janet Reno throughout the J. Edgar Hoover Building. And Scully's clothes, my God, how horrifying they are. The 90's woman's powersuit. Shudder.

In another episode sensitive Department of Defense information is stored on a digital tape. How do I know it was digital tape? Well, they referred to it as "the tape" throughout two episodes, and then just now I Googled it and read about what digital tapes were, because honestly, I didn't know what the hell that thing was. It was larger than a cassette tape but you could apparently put it into a computer to read the file.

And my favorites are the "Lone Gunman" hackers from the series. They help Mulder with all kinds of information, from conspiracy theories to satellite imagery, these guys can apparently do anything with their ancient Apple computers and, wait for it, fax machines. Yes, apparently when they can't have clandestine meetings fax is the way to go. They also have access to this kinda crazy thing called "the internet", which I've never heard of but apparently there's lots of information on it? (The episode I'm referring to was in season 2 and aired in 1994, for reference).

Finally, and this has nothing to do with dated technology, but in the episode I watched today a train car Mulder is trapped in is armed with a bomb, so he has the conductor abandon the car in the middle of nowhere so as to keep it away from the general population. The conductor states they're in Iowa, but when Mulder is able to get out of the train car, the scenery is that of evergreen covered moutains. I realize the first several seasons were filmed in Vancouver, but come on, really? They couldn't at least TRY to find a flat piece of land to mimic Iowa? That's just laziness right there.

Saturday, August 2, 2014


It's been another busy cooking day over here in the little house in the miniature woods. Blueberry pie got made (with a bat shaped cut out on top no less, per Max's insistence), 3 1/2 pints of blueberry syrup canned and in the basement (delicious, by the way), dinner, and lots and lots of pickle making/prepping.

Dinner was ratatouille with roasted chicken breast, cooking it on one tray was my mom's idea, I was going to do it separately but I highly recommend this method instead, it's painfully easy. Chop your vegetables, toss in lots and lots of olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, balsamic vinegar, and I threw in fresh thyme and basil from my little herb garden. Dump it all on a tray lined with foil and make a space for your chicken. Rub whatever olive oil mixture you have left from your veggie bowl on the chicken, and put the whole tray in the oven at 425 for an hour, stirring your veggies around every 15 minutes.

Zucchini, red onion, eggplant, purple bell pepper, garlic, and tomato. Once it came out of the oven I topped it with more fresh basil. 

Next up: pickles. Earlier this afternoon I put 10 1/2lbs of pickling cucumbers in a cooler that we actually use to haul our meat share home (don't worry, I washed it well) and covered them with a salt water brine to begin fermenting for kosher dills. The cooler was the only food grade plastic item I could find in my house to hold that many cucumbers plus the water.

With the remaining cucumbers I searched the web for a sliced dill pickle recipe since they were too large to can in spears or whole. I found a few recipes but this one seemed easy and most likely to actually work. I have a lot of cucumbers and not a huge amount of white vinegar remaining so I scaled out what vinegar I had (8cups) and altered the recipe from there. I figured I would get 6 quarts of pickles or thereabouts (I don't have enough pint jars to do pints of pickles as the recipe calls for) but alas, once I got the jars in the pan I heard a bang, which can only mean one thing: jar explosion.

 The recipe states to process the jars for 5 minutes and reading the comments there appeared to be one person who made them in quart jars and processed for 10 minutes which seemed too long and resulted in soft pickles, so I compromised and did 7 minutes. The pickles look a bit browner in color than I would like, but I was concerned that 5 minutes wouldn't be enough, especially because you're filling hot jars with cold cucumbers, which brings the temperature of the jars down very quickly. In each jar I crammed in as many thickly sliced cucumbers as I could, like maybe a 1/2" slice or more (I'm really bad with measurements) dropped in 2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of dried dill, and a scant 1/4 teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes. Fill the jars with boiling brine, then I used a chopstick to get any air bubbles out and sealed them up. Put them into a boiling water bath and immediately start timing. Five minutes for pint jars and for quart jars? Well, time will tell. Guess I'm supposed to wait a couple of weeks before trying them.

So only four quarts of sliced garlic dills done for this evening. I still have over a quart of brine remaining and will have to continue tomorrow. Since I had to fish out broken glass and pickle slices out of boiling water I decided to call it a night and relax with a nice glass of strawberry shrub and seltzer. Oh, you don't know what strawberry shrub is? It's this. And it's highly addictive. My new obsession.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Summer Baking

Finally I got around to doing some baking and pickle making today. It was hard to drum up the motivation but I had to use this stuff up.

First, the pickles. I had larger cukes so I made my grandmother's sweet pickle recipe.
Every time I eat them, this.
Man I hate those yellow counter tops.

On Saturday I went blueberry picking all day with the kids. We picked probably a good 11 pounds of berries. Two pounds are frozen for later, 5 cups reserved for pie and the rest, well.....yeah. We've been snacking on them and I want to make blueberry syrup and butter. In addition to the abundant blueberries it is of course squash season so we have plenty of zucchini. I've made two loaves of zucchini bread, zucchini gratin, even zucchini pizza (which was good, by the way). While I usually use the Paula Deen zucchini bread recipe I searched for something different this time around and behold, Zucchini Blueberry bread. Yes!!! Two birds!!
Here is the original recipe (makes 2 loaves):
3 eggs
1c oil
1T vanilla
2 1/4c sugar
2c shredded zucchini
3c flour
1t salt
1t baking powder
1/4t baking soda
1T cinnamon
1 pint blueberries

After reading the comments and seeing a lot of "I substituted applesauce for the oil so it'd be healthier" lines, I seriously considered adding a cup of butter just to be a smart ass about it. Too bad butter doesn't keep the bread as moist for as long, but it'd be delicious, I can tell you that much.

Secondly, whenever I make quick breads like this I find 1 cup sugar per loaf to be more than enough sweetness. So I knew I'd cut down on the sugar. In addition, I increased the baking powder because 1 teaspoon isn't very much for two loaves, reduced the cinnamon and increased the zucchini, so my final recipe read like this:

3 eggs
1c oil
1T vanilla
scant 1 cup white sugar
scant 1 cup brown sugar
3 cup shredded zucchini
2c all purpose flour
1c whole wheat flour
1t salt
2t baking powder
1/4t baking soda
1/2t cinnamon
scant 2c blueberries

Beat the eggs, oil, vanilla and sugars together. Mix in zucchini. Add dry ingredients, stir to combine. Fold in blueberries. Divide into two greased loaf pans, bake at 350F 1 hour 10 minutes. Cool in pan 30 minutes then remove to rack to cool completely.

Other ideas for this recipe: make into muffins and top with streusel. Call me if you're making them. I'll even bring the coffee.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Homemade Gatorade

It's going to be a long summer over here. I am without a CSA this year so I'm kind of lost and not sure what to do with myself since I don't have pounds and pounds of assorted fruits and vegetables to put up, and we're basically eating a lot of meat and beans and whatever apparent microgreens I'm capable of growing in my garden, which just got eaten by some lousy deer. Like I said, it's going to be a long vegetable-less summer. Makes me tear up a little. So here's another in what will be a long line of weird homemade concoction blog posts for your potential enjoyment.

There are a few ingredients I never let the kids have (or even have in my house) unless it's in something they're eating while we're out having a treat or something, and those things are high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated fat or oil, margarine, and food dyes. Now I know many will debate whether the food dye is actually a thing, but I've seen my kids after kool-aid, and it's not pretty. So while I know Gatorade is certainly handy if you're dehydrated and need something fast (I drank one at work last night while working next to a grill for 12 hours in 100+ degree heat so yeah, they're handy) it's not something I want to give the kids every couple days when they have soccer practices and games.

Last year, though, the boys both did a soccer camp. The first day of the camp was probably the hottest day of the year, a good 95-100 degrees easily. We of course had loads of water on hand, and the camp provided water coolers as well and they turned on the sprinklers for the kids to cool off in at one point as well. But while Max was done 20 minutes in, Nate kept going, full speed, for the full 2 hours, because he's Nate and that's what he does. By the time we were halfway home, no more than 5 minutes into the ride, I realized that he was suffering from heat exhaustion bordering on heat stroke. I seriously considered driving straight to the ER, but decided not to because I knew how traumatic that would be for him so I went home instead. I put him in a cold bath and put cold cloths on his head and face while he sat in cold water. I was trying to get him to drink water but I knew when you're that dehydrated and exhausted, you can't just have water and risk flushing out what little sugars and minerals you have remaining in your body. Well I didn't have Gatorade in the house, but if I did I wouldn't be writing this now, because I would have given him one. Instead, I had to Google "homemade Gatorade" and quickly make up a recipe from the many I quickly skimmed. I threw one together and both kids loved it. It has sugar, it has salt, you apparently can even crush a calcium tablet and throw that in too which I haven't tried but maybe when it gets really hot I will.

I don't do much measuring now, and when I made two quarts of this for the soccer game this past weekend when it was in the 80s, I thought it worked really well and tasted great. And of course the kids thought it was the coolest thing ever that I knew how to "make Gatorade", earning me a "you're amazing! I can't believe you can make it!" comment, which is always nice.

In a quart jar (I use mason jars, but then, I use mason jars for everything....) combine about 1/4c lemon juice, 1-2Tbs honey (you can do more or less depending on your taste) and 1/4-1/2tsp salt. Stir until the honey and salt dissolve, you can add some water to help out this process. Then fill the jar halfway with water and use ice to fill the rest of the way. Put the lid on and shake like crazy to mix. Done. Drink. Bask in your awesomeness.

Friday, May 2, 2014

All Natural Bathroom Cleaner

It's a thrill a minute up over here! Yes, today I made disinfecting bathroom cleaner. In my never ending pursuit of attempting to limit the amount of neurotoxins in my house, I looked around online today for some good ideas I could keep around. In the past I've scrubbed the toilet bowls with Borax and elbow grease, which works really well, but what about the seats and sinks? I found this recipe online and made a spray bottle for it:

2Tbs Borax
3c hot water
4Tbs white vinegar

Put borax into a spray bottle, heat your water, and pour it into the bottle, stirring well to dissolve the borax. Stir in the white vinegar. And yes, I wrote the recipe on the bottle because otherwise I'll never remember where I found it online or where I wrote it down on some little scrap of paper somewhere....I'm really disorganized.

I added Tea Tree Oil to mine because it has antiseptic properties, I think I used about 15 drops. You could use any number of essential oils though, lavender, citrus, thyme.....they'd all work.

I cleaned both bathrooms with this cleaner this afternoon and it's nice. The bathrooms smell clean, and not like assorted chemical clean, but actual clean smelling, you know?

I had been very good about using only my homemade dishwasher detergent as well (equal parts borax and baking soda or washing soda, white vinegar in the rinse agent spot with some essential oil) but lately I have had a very hard time finding washing soda at the stores, or at the very least, large boxes of baking soda. I look at each grocery store I go to, plus the usual suspects of Target and Kmart. No one has it. So until I find it again I'm using conventional dishwasher detergent which pains me because I feel like I can hear the chemicals seeping into our well water.